In fact, I’m pretty crooked. I didn’t really notice it before, I guess because I haven’t been in an outdoor sex thunder dome with 30 other naked erect dicks to compare it too, but yeah, a little to the left.
I was fascinated. Honestly. Once I realized it I just couldn’t stop seeing it, and I couldn’t stop seeing how not straight every other dude’s dicks were. I mean, right, left, dogleg, banana curve. Almost nobody had a straight dick. I was shy at first, but after a couple of high fives on some tag teams, I was able to grip a few dicks and really assess the precise angle of the dangle. Man, talk about the Laffer curve (that’s a Poli-Sci major joke for all you MBAs)! It was hilarious.
Indiana’s regional Burning Man get together is really way more fun than the Yelp reviews make it out to be. Besides this whole crooked dick revelation, I just learned so much this year. Did you know that Molly and Meth are not all that different, chemically? Meth is just way cheaper! Also, in humid climates, it really helps to use Vaseline under all your leather gear. I know, I thought baby powder too. I spent six months making a distressed black leather covering for my old high school football shoulder pads, and the first day, with all the heat and humidity in French Lick, I got seriously chafed. But then I found out that you just apply a thick coat of Vaseline, and voila, your skin stays nice and smooth. Feels weird and slippery at first, but because Vaseline is made out of straight up petroleum it doesn’t absorb into your body very well and lasts a long time.
I’m really looking forward to the actual OG Burning Man event once Covid is over. It’s great that Indiana didn’t shut theirs down. I can fucking tell you man, people needed the relief. I slept for like a week afterwards. Nobody at Accenture even knew. My buddy rigged it so I was automatically logged into every Zoom meeting on my calendar with an auto chat message that said I spilled coffee into the microphone and couldn’t unmute. Fucking genius. Dude died of Covid like two weeks ago though. He was only 28. Tragic, but he had a precondition, so, yeah. He was the one with the dogleg dick. You think you know somebody!
It was sick. After he let me put a grip on it, I was showing everybody that thing. It was like a broken cat’s tail! But condensed, just like average dude dick length. Knotty pine he called it. My girlfriend said it was uncomfortable in missionary or doggy (no pun intended, that’s just what it’s called) but when he was perpendicular to her, like sideways, super good. She got Covid too, but she’s out of the hospital as of a few weeks ago. Collapsed lung. I guess we’re not really together anymore, I kinda moved on since she was gone for so long, but we’re still in touch. I never got it. I just had like a lingering cough after my week of sleep. But I think that was the meth. Don’t smoke it. Shit’s harsh.
And bro, seriously, If you need any more info on those second quarter 2022 projections just hit me back on this Slack channel anytime.